We, as the 3 LCpls at MATSG , need to not be winded up too tight.

Okay, so what SSgt asked if Magic said “53” instead of “23”, it was probably a joke, or SSgt is uptight because of court.

Okay, so I accidentally left the sign in sheets in my car. When you have to check these students in from 6am to 9pm on the weekend you’re going to LOVE carrying this bright ass yellow folder around. The students don’t even care, you know why? Because the people who proposed this restriction don’t even know the TIMES NOR do they even know what things the students should sign. 

Holy fuck, it wasent stupid of me. I didnt even have my car today. LT I forgot you were on leave yesterday, which I DID bring in the folder, but then I realized I had to sign these fuckers in again at 2100 so why would I open up shop just so they could sign it? 

I usually go home, change over, and have them sign the stuff at the shop, through my car window. JESUS CHRIST. 

And I gave it Vero because Chris would be at the bowling alley, Id be at school and youd HAVE to come home eventually, after that you’d NEED to go back at 2100 . 

Tomorrow SSgt will probably come in upset because of yesterday, all the Sgts will be on deck, not to mention their moving into our shop. Oh my lord, we’re making this harder then it has to be. 

Id rather be harassed in the Real Fleet by Fleet Marines then people who are just plain pissy. 

Goddamn Marine Corps. 2016 hurry the fuck up.

You know what I hate? When Im drowning in my thoughts and I can’t seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. When I spill my guts to the world but then Im told “Its no body’s business to know what goes on”. You know who knows whats going on? Me, you and Low. I cant talk to my family because no body knows —— I have no one to turn to here. I wish I could be so wrapped up in my own life that i can forget that Im a person who needs to interact with others. I wish my command was filled with likable women who wouldn’t mind socializing with me.  

Unfortunately, theres only 3:

1 Sgt who is, well a Sgt. Shes much older then me and its not like we can “hang-out”.

1 Cpl, who is a soon to be Sgt but shes leaving and I really didnt like her at first. So no…

And other Sgt who just recently had her baby. Same conditions as the first one. They’re both cool but, its different. 

I can’t fraternize with students because, well, theyre students and Im permanent personnel.  I could get NJP’d for doing so. Theres only a handful of MARINES on this base and the possible ones are not in reach.

Theres a new Cpl but shell be a Sgt soon. Ill show her around but at the end of the day she has other responsibilities, like her daughter.

Thats another thing on this base that separates me from anyone. 

I dont  have children.

I dont want children.

Its like a club: everyone here has a baby. Im the ONLY person at my unit who does not have one- thats a fact. 

There are things I cant relate to. They speak of stuff for their infant, they worry about their child(ren) and here I am without any.

I would love to go out, but the only decent spouse is worried about her kid (co-workers wife).

Its not even the women, the female/male ration is ridiculous. Even on a Navy base, the majority is male.

I dont put myself in bad situations. I know bad decisions make great stories, but not in this case. 

Not only am I isolated, but when Im surrounded by people, I feel out of place. 

I decided to involve myself in school. Ive taken a couple class’s and have enrolled for Summer I and will sit down with a career planner for Summer II. 

Why have I not involved myself in any sporty activity? Because Im not that type of girl. I don’t want to join a soccer or soft ball team. Id have to be with people I don’t know, not only that, Id rather kick back and relax with someone here. I already joined the Corps and got ship wrecked on this Navy base. 

Theres a sense of pride when being surrounded by Marines. Being on this Navy base and being the minority is a really big sense of pride killer. I joined for a sense of purpose, and now I lost it. I thought once I reached the “Fleet”, things would get better. Well apparently this ain’t it. Ill be here for my entire enlistment and I wont remember what it was like to be a MARINE. 

So to be blunt, my “sense of purpose/pride” is dwindling down. What am I even doing anymore? Im just going through the motions.

I wake up, go to work, attend school, go home, and then what? 

Work has gotten easier but I still feel like a POS because Im missing out on so much more! I hope that this new Cpl can teach me as much as I can learn being here. Ive had shitty leaders and the main one being in my MOS, I will not be a reflection of him. 

Moving on. 

I dont want to be here any more. Until things liven up for me, I’ll be counting down until I EAS. Ill have a lot saved and Ill be finished with school. After that I plan on living under a rock for about a year to maybe come back as an officer. 

Or just go live a little with Loany. 

Until then Im here, at the bowling alley. Ive been sitting in this corner for the last hour or so, typing away on this keyboard. I look around at these people and all I see are strangers. I see a familiar person in the crowd but he’s too wrapped up in the crowd. 

I can always think on the bright side

-BRAND NEW vehicle will paid off this year

-I have my own crib

-I have my own $$

But wheres the fun if theres no one to praise you? No one to talk to? No one to share ideas with? Stay up late with? 

Low has her own life and Cali is a long way from home…

With my command, theres always a limit, never really a friend.

With this base, I ONLY know some of the “Navy” because of him. 

With Lemoore, I really know no one. 

Theres always a catch. 

Theres always loneliness in a crowded place…

What am I doing?…

I need some fulfillment in my life, or I might take a lovely stroll off a cliff.

Either that or someone to constantly entertain me. By entertain I mean stick like glue. 

I only keep 3 dates in mind .

Feb 1st - The birth of my new baby brother Eddie-Daniel / Katie’s birthday

Feb 9th - My second younger brothers birthday

And a random date in February haha . My 1st officialness with this kid , whom I’m not with anymore .

We don’t speak for a month , were straight for a week , and then back on the bullshit . Waste of time I might add .

I’m leaving in a couple of weeks .

Nah buddy . Nick , I dont have shit to say , except have a blessed day .

Hope life treats you well .

Curled up on the couch watching Teen Mom 2 .
I’m wondering why this is a television show but at the same time I’m wondering why am I watching this ?

Ehh . Today was a good day :3 
Went to Downtown Miami , had a really needed discussion w/ very important people , and spoke with my Papa .

Tomorrow I have to wake up early AGAIN , go for a run and wait till 4 for PT . Since our Poolee Fuction on Saturday I’ve been off the ball because of my special monthly friend (blah) . I need to get back on it though ! I couldn’t even make it to PT on Tuesday . I feel like a lazy fuck when I’m on my cycle . All I want to do is eat sweets and sleep .

I test again next week ! I’m ready , again . Grrrr . Killed it last time , Im ready to do it again (:

I saw my friend Kenneth ! He looked amazing in his Army fatigue . Well , he looked great all around . (;

I love my outlook on life .
My future .
Me . Period .

I’ve got all the support I need .

These past few weeks have showed me what people are truly about . When the going gets tough , who will be there and who won’t . It’s all good , no hard feelings —- nothing personal , it’s life right ?

No time for childish games ! Its the time to construct the life you want and to mold into the person you’re aiming to be, your future self .

I’m a future U.S. Marine

I want to own a company (or co-) — even if it’s just to help a friend achieve that goal

I want to be a doctor (surgeon) — personal goal . There shouldn’t be any excuses because I picked a difficult route on purpose .

I want to own a huge house and decorate the shit out of it . Own a large amount of land to place my recreational area .

Im going to look back and not think of any ill feelings towards anyone I’ve come into contact with years from now . To truly say I’ve learned and grown with life . It’s called building a bridge and getting the fuck over things .

I want to be happy . I know I’m on the right path .

Fuck comfort zones and over analyzing things . Why ? It is what it is . Who cares ?

Like my Father always says
“Strike the iron while the fire is hot” or some shit like that .

You have to think to yourself “Will this matter 10 years from now?” Will you be more regretful for the shit you did or didn’t do ? For the things you said or left unspoken ? I’ve done enough , I’ve done and tolerated things that I wouldn’t usually do . Time for that to end . That’s called growth folks .

All my arguments , my apologies , my choices have taken me to where I am now and have surrounded me with the people I’m around today .

Maybe I’ve become too cocky , too over confident , too “IDGAF about your feelings bruh” .

Shrugging off the bullshit .

You only live once and you’re supposed to live each day .
Pfftt . I only got one life to live .

Call me an asshole but I’ll be the one smiling at the end of the day .

:3

Things will be hard but I am more the optimistic and determined to make shit as close to my ideal of a perfect life as possible .

Dicking around with Dragonvale .

My Cold Dragon and Swamp Dragon are mating .

I pray its a Reindeer Dragon .

I got a 5 hour breeding time and its Christmas ! COME ON MAN !

My boo at work today haha

My best-friend and I are pretty funny :3

Apparently she can find things faster then he can at his own work place .

Hes a hard worker nonetheless (:

He said we looked like shop lifters -_-“

I did ask if a pair of certain shorts came in a bigger size , they looked too small and I didnt want to try them on and end up not fitting .

I dont know Dani . I dont think all that ass can fit in those shorts .

yeeeeeeee (:

I felt kinda nervous but I was happy to see that dork .

I cant wait until Thanksgiving <3 Hopefully that goes just fine :3

Just a little .

Ive been with Shad all day , pushing him to do his essay .

I literally broke the question down , answered all the parts , and I have up shit loads of links and other essays for him to draw ideas from . Essays are easy man ! They only take a couple minutes , for me anyways . I cant wait to go to school .

If youre doing it for something you love , it shouldnt be that much of a problem .

My problem is math but , I know me . If I focus , Ill do well .

Its raining , he needs to get to work , and its not my problem lmao

His bro shouldve left the car for him smh . We cant find any rides .

Dani ! You dont have an umbrella in your house?

I dont go outside .

FUCK MAN !

What can I say ? LOL

I was supposed to go out today but CJ has family coming down so ehh . Cindy and Gina might have a plan , hell , Gina needs to do my hair .

Tomorrow is Jays birthday and were all going bowling .

Sunday , Im not too sure about what my plans are , Ill find something to do . Maybe a movie :3 or play catch up with some series .

For someone who dosent have a job , I still find myself going out every other day . I don’t pay for shit . Mann , I’m just a boss :3 Ehh . I’m adorable , I can get away with it .

DECEMBER IS RIGHT AROUND THE FUCKING CORNER .

Tuesday is my IST . :x

>:/

-is killing you in my imagination-

Take your bowling ball , and shove it down your throat .

Fucking Christ .

My day was perfect until your name popped up on my Caller ID

“This isent really the time for sarcasm”

Ummm yeah , I dont care .

I like being a sarcastic cunt to you because you’re an idiot . -___-“

I realize I write what I type , even when Im on the phone .

Maybe I should just record myself over and over again and play it back when I feel its necessary . 

Sometimes I get sick of repeating myself .

I should dedicate a week to muteness .

Sounds like a plan :3

He just called him and me immature .

God I love my Dad .

Have you two gotten over it and spoken yet ?

I had to resist laughing and just gave him a glare , no words .

Wheres your ring ?

In my room .

Which is a lie , one of them is , not the other . :x

shrugs and continues watching The Big Bang Theory

Week for me .

Everyone and their Moms are calling me — literally !

A stranger ; probably the most interesting 45 minutes of my life .

Have I been so backed up lately Ive submerged to talking about NOTHING with someone I didnt even know ?

To everyone I know , I dont feel like talking to them . ~.~”

Ehhh . I dont know why , its just a feeling .

Kit Kat has me wanting to shoot myself in the face lately . I love this girl but damnit man . If only this were the Sims and I could press the fast forward x3 button until she gets over her dilemma . She wanted to see me this weekend but AHHH no money . I think if I went there Id probably jump out her window , just sayin . That or go to Texas and drag a certain someone back .

My Aunt -shivers- . Im still trying to figure out my issue with her . Maybe its because shes still connected to her mother ? You know that saying , out of sight , out of mind . Well Im taking it to the next , and possibly unnecessary , level : if youre connected then you’re cut or avoided . Such a sweet women she is . Eh , my issues . Maybe I just dont want to get close again .

Speaking about close again , Ms. Baker called me not too long ago . It was … unexpected ? Shes misses me ! I mean , why else would you call at 11pm at night . Women stop thinking of me before you go to sleep :P She wants me and the bros to go to Talis game on Thursday . For my bros , sure , for me , I highly doubt it .

I miss them , dont get me wrong , but on Thursday my Sgt. is leaving (his time is up in Florida) and itll be his poolees last day with him ! My last PT with my Sgt Thompson :’(. Auuughhhhhh . Now whose going to stay on my ass about improvement ? But hey , he was only a helpful stepping stone —- he will be greatly missed and appreciated .

Theres been other calls but I just needed to write to help me fall asleep .

Lately Ive been on edge .

Like the calm before the storm ?

Nothing depressive , Im just feeling kinda destructive . I want to fuck shit up .

No significant reason .

I take my IST on Tuesday ! Determines my date :3 yeeee ! Excite but nervous .

December is the month , but the date -shivers- Im uncertain .

I came down with the flu and T.O.M came by this week . Im feeling so off my game but I need to pull it together ASAP .

Oh look at me rambling ! Goodnight :3

Yeah fuck the critics lol

If only all men could be created with fucking amazing Godlike bodies , the world would be a better place ;)

The part that keeps stunning my friends is when the coward literally got his nuts crushed . Ehh .

What keeps hurting my train of thought is the torture method with the bull . Fuck me sideways man . Id have just wanted an instant death , dont boil me and give me fresh air to breathe !

300 was the only movie to ever make me wince . Immortals did the same ! 

I enjoyed it fully , besides my company at some point .

Fuckkkk , can I watch it again ? :9

For assuming . You made an ass out of yourself earlier .

Now I look like an ass when really you couldn’t even tell me what I was doing wrong .

I’m concerned but I get the unnecessary attitude ?

Did I mention how I kept repeating myself over and over again ?

The hell  … I find it pretty fucked up but whatever .

This isent going to blow over because either way I still look wrong for something Im not acknowledging that Im doing . I cant solve shit if I dont even know where to start .

Fuck this bullshit seriously .

Weve spoken many times and we were supposed to be on the same page am I right ?

Should I record the conversations ? Should I prt screen the texts I mean come on .

My actions ? WHAT actions ? PLEASE ENLIGHTEN  ME .

Have I lied , cheated , stole , manipulated , asked you for anything , disrespected , told you to fuck off ; and the list could continue .

I kept saying this was not supposed to be the hard part . We were supposed to be on the same page .

I cut back on the jokes , I still tell you everything — what am I missing ?

My time ? Okay , Ive been busy — thats NOT an excuse YOU KNOW WHY , EVERYTHING . If you wanted to come around and help you couldve been my guess . Only Low came around to even help smooth the tension in the house . And if I could , I really wouldnt have wanted it to happen … her passing away .

This weekend you were with your friends , okay cool ! I wanted to suggest something but its alright . I finally found time . Other then that you know Im keeping  Gina , her mom , her sister and brothers distracted .

And what you said about the Jean incident , fuck it was a joke . Ill put up a white flag , “Im Sorry” . I’m a jerk yeah but I guess it was taken serious . Anyone else who knows me would have shrugged it off or something else but you took it serious , MY BAD .

I dont run into anyones arms . I dont over obsess . Im pretty fuckin chill if you ask me .

And this talk after Carries death was something I really didnt see comming , at the least most needed . And what I hated was how I say tell me whats on your mind and you say you have a lot of things bottled .  Kinda defeats the purpose dont you think ? Instead of trying to solve it you let it sit and gave me all this unneeded attitude . Boy I guess .

If you cant wait for me to leave how about I just leave ? Makes things easier and for one Dani gets the blame , again .

I dont know what to do .

You say things have changed  , I feel the same .

I say point out the changes — the wrongs and the rights and I dont get a response .

You stress yourself and then you confuse and frustrate me .

What the fuck is this madness ?

I’m not alright and I’m not happy .

No one reads this bullshit anyways . Smh .